It's a Wonderful Life at SVU
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: The classic holiday story with an SVU twist.  Olivia wishes that she was never born after losing Calvin.  Can her guardian angel in training help her see just how much she means to others or is this one wish that will stay granted forever?
1. Chapter 1

I own no one but my own people

A/N So we've all seen the movie, we've all seen the knock offs, we've all seen the parodies. Figured why not give it a shot? It'll be a three shot. I'm posting one chapter tonight, one tomorrow, and I'll try my best to post on Christmas Eve which, you know, will give me a MILLION hits *rolls eyes at myself* But none the less, I hope you enjoy :)

"Vivian… Vivian, you did this!" Olivia yelled as she tried to storm over to her, but her partner had wrapped his arms securely around her before she could do any serious damage to the blonde woman in front of her, desperately trying to hold back tears. "You talked to David! You're the one who's shipping him off to Vermont!"

"I'm doing it because it's the best thing for _him._"

Olivia was sorely tempted to shout out that she thought that trying to exchange him for her freedom was the best thing as well, but as much as she hated the woman in front of her, she wouldn't do that to Calvin. She couldn't tell him his mother had tried to trade him for freedom. No child should have to hear that.

Vivian continued after a brief pause. "Because _I'm_ his mom."

Both Olivia and Calvin gasped at cruelty of her words. She hadn't acted like a mother for the past month or Calvin's entire life. She had no right to say she knew what was best because of something she claimed to be just to get back at Olivia.

Olivia felt the tears well in her eyes and Elliot did her no favors either by whispering in her ear that "it was always temporary."

Olivia watched helpless as they turned around and tried to drag him out of the room.

"No I don't want to go anywhere!" Calvin shouted before he ran back to Olivia.

She broke out of her partners hold and hugged the little boy she had fallen in love with as tight as she could and he doing the same to her. She desperately tried to stop her tears but it was no use.

"Olivia, don't let them take me!" he pleaded and Olivia closed her eyes in despair and rested her head on his. "I'll do anything, please!" he cried, his voice breaking.

Olivia saw Vivian and the social worker storm over to her and she held Calvin tighter.

"Its okay, Calvin," she whispered softly, praying that she was right.

The social worker went behind her and Vivian was in front of her. The social worker tried to pry Calvin's hands away while Vivian worked at separating Olivia's.

"Let him go!" Vivian shouted wrenching Olivia's hands apart. She tried to hold onto him again but Vivian yanked him away once more. "Let him go!"

The social worker unclosed Calvin's hands and they dragged him away from her and it was all Olivia could do to whisper those three words to him. "Its okay, Calvin."

"Olivia!" he screamed as he tried fighting against the two. "Olivia! Olivia!"

Olivia felt more hopeless, more lost, more dead then she had ever felt in her life as she watched him scream for her help and she could do nothing to provide it. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore as they finally took him around the corner, but that didn't cut off his screams.

"Please don't let them take me! Get off me! Olivia! Olivia!"

The moment he was out of ear shot she broke down.

"No."

She tried to run after them but Elliot was faster and grabbed her around the waist and prevented her from going anywhere.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, letting out a sob in the process. "Calvin!" she screamed out, hoping that he would hear her cries. "Calvin!"

"You're making it harder than it already is for him," Elliot whispered sternly in her ear.

Olivia let out a desperate sob and would have collapsed on the floor had it not been for Elliot supporting her, knowing he was right, that calling out for him would hurt him even more but she couldn't stop herself. "Vivian, don't do this! Vivian, please! Calvin! CALVIN..!"

Several hours and bottles of alcohol later Olivia stood shivering in the cold with only her coat wrapped around her for warmth as she stood on the roof of her tall building looking down at the ground below her, watching all of the happy families walk along the New York City streets on their way home to get ready for the upcoming holiday season.

A tear rolled down Olivia's face that dropped onto the concrete far below. She had just begun to go Christmas shopping for him. They had plans to go upstate this weekend and chop down their own tree even but now she didn't feel like celebrating the holidays at all much less take the time to drive for hours just to chop down some tree that would be dead in a few weeks.

Olivia closed her eyes as another tear fell down her face. She was going to be forty seven in a month and what on earth did she have to show for it? She had no husband, no child and she knew that her time was quickly running out if it hadn't already, Calvin was gone and she would probably never see him again, Elliot hardly talked to her anymore outside of work, Alex was in Africa prosecuting rapists who would get three weeks in jail before being their sentence was up, Simon barley spoke to her, and her mother was dead… she had no one.

Olivia opened her eyes and stared down at the ground below her and shuffled forward a tiny hair. Would anyone miss her? Sure the squad and Alex would, but they'd get over it in a few weeks. Simon was her brother, but her death wouldn't have some sort of lasting impact on him. He hadn't talked to her in months. She wasn't even sure if he knew she was still alive. And Calvin, the person who had actually brought some meaning into her life for a short time, was going to live up in Vermont with his grandparents and forget her in a matter of weeks as well.

Olivia looked at the ground and it seemed to come up at her. It wouldn't hurt. A quick shot of pain before she would never move or breathe again.

"Why the hell shouldn't I?" she thought to herself as she took another step forward. "I have no one, no one would care if I die, I matter to no one."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath and took another step forward, now teetering on the edge of the building, the ice cold wind pounding against her face suddenly not so cold anymore. It would only take one more step. She moved her foot forward.

"HELP ME!"

The loud cry came from the other side of the roof and Olivia's eyes shot open and she gasped loudly and nearly jumped back, scampering away from the edge, her breathing heavy and her eyes wide with fright, sobriety hitting her like a ton of bricks.

"Somebody help me please!" the voice shouted again.

Olivia took another deep breath before she ran towards the voice. "I'm coming!" she yelled back. "I'm coming, just hang on!"

Olivia got to the other edge of the building and gasped as she saw two hands clutching the side of the building.  
"Hang on!" she cried as she ran towards them. She got down on her stomach and grasped the wrist of the unknown victim. She let out a small groan as she pulled on the wrists of the man who was using the building as leverage to push off against.

"I gotcha," Olivia assured him as she got him to the point where she could grab the waistband of his pants and with a small groan form both of them, he collapsed besides her on the roof.

Breathing heavily, Olivia looked over at the man who seemed surprisingly calm for almost falling off of a building.

He had long black hair with a slight wave running through it with a pale face and light blue eyes. He looked to be in his mid to late forties with a bit of scruff on his chin and a large metal stud went through his ear. Olivia would have been lying to herself if she said he wasn't handsome for his age.

He was wearing a long black trench coat over a black wife beater and a pair of tight black jeans and what looked like combat boots on his feet.

"Bloody hell, mate!" he yelled, a strong English accent shining through. "Couldn't you have hurried it up a bit?"

Olivia let out a scoff of annoyance. "Excuse me? I just saved your life."

The man shook his head and pushed some of his hair away from his face. "You're wrong. _ I_ just saved _your_ arse. Plus I ain't got me wings yet so that would have been a pretty nasty fall."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak before she closed it again. "I'm… I'm sorry; did you just say you don't have your wings yet? She spoke after several moments of stunned silence.

"Yup. And I can't earn 'um 'till I make you see that you's actually worth something'. And I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce me self proper. Rob Chesney; ya' guardian angel in training'."

Olivia looked at him for a moment before she nodded and slowly stood up; reaching for her weapon as he stood up as well.

"Look, Rob, I'm going to go home now," she said slowly as she began to back away from the man she thought was completely insane. "You have a merry Christmas…"

Rob chuckled and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his coat. "Ya think I'm off me trolley don't ya?" he asked as he took one of the sticks out and put it in his mouth.

"No," lied Olivia as she continued to back up away from him, eyeing his long coat with uncertainly. "No I don't at all. But-."

"So then ya weren't thinking of killing ya self because of wot happened with Calvin today?" he said with an all knowing smirk as he pulled a lighter out and lit the cigarette in his mouth.

Olivia stopped mid step and gaped at him for a moment before she stormed back over to him, getting out her gun and aiming it at him but he seemed unfazed at the sight of the weapon.

"Who are you? Tell me now!" she snapped fuming at the man.

"I told ya, love, I'm ya guardian angel. I've been watching over you since you was made."

Olivia glowered at him and aimed it directly at his head. "Tell me the truth, now!"

"I told ya the truth! Bloody Christ, do ya think I'm a liar?"

"How did you know about Calvin?" she asked, ignoring the question.

Rob groaned in annoyance and rolled his eyes to the heavens. "Christ on a cracker, I thought you was intelligent! My name is Rob Chesney, your guardian angel in training. I've been looking out for ya since March 31st, 1964. I knows everything 'bout ya, love! I know ya memories, ya thoughts, I've seen and walked in every foot step ya ever walked in and ever will walk in!"

"Prove it!" Olivia snarled as she clutched the gun tighter, ready to catch the man in the lie and arrest him for stalking. "What was I thinking when I was over on the-"

"Why the hell shouldn't I?" Rob repeated her earlier thoughts before the question even left her mouth. "I have no one, no one would care if I die, I matter to no one."

Olivia's eyes widened for a moment before she shook her head and continued her dead center aim on the man. "Lucky guess," she snarled. "What's the one deepest darkest secret I never told a single soul or even said out loud to myself?" she said with a smirk, knowing there would be no way that this complete loon would be able to guess.

"The one time in college when ya had a pregnancy scare but then found out ya weren't pregnant was, up until your mum died, the worst day of ya life because ya wanted a chance to prove that you could be a better mum then Serena and knew that she wasn't gonna last long enough for her to see you become a mum."

Olivia gasped softly and slowly lowered her gun. "How… how do you know that?"

Rob sighed heavily. "I told ya before, love, I know everything about you, including every thought and memory ya ever had or will have." He clapped his hands together and smiled at her. "On ta business now; you-."

But his words were cut off by Olivia raising her fist to slug him as hard as she could but in a tiny twinkle of lights he disappeared from in front of her.

Olivia's mouth fell open in astonishment as she quickly looked around for Rob who was nowhere to be seen.

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm losing my mind."

"Ya sure as bloody hell are if ya go and slug at the man whose been protecting ya all these years!" Rob snapped from behind her.

Olivia let out a tiny scream of surprise as she twisted herself around and saw him looking crossly at her, his lit cigarette still in his hand.

"How the hell did you do that?" Olivia whispered softly.

"I'm a guardian angel in training, love; I can do whatever the bleeding hell I want to, except get me wings."

Olivia shook her head once more. "This is a dream. This isn't real."

"Ya better believe it's real, love. Otherwise this night is about to get really weird… er."

"Hang on," Olivia snapped as she narrowed her eyes at the man. "If you're my guardian angel, where the hell were you when I was little and my mom was abusing me!" she snarled angrily. "Or why didn't you protect me at Sealview or why didn't you pop up and stop Calvin from being taken from me?"

"Did ya ever notice," Rob began, "that every single hit you took from your mum made you want to become a sex crimes detective that much more so you can find the man responsible for making your mum turn to the lager which led you to Simon and helping hundreds of people in the process? And Fin's set of keys didn't go to that part of the prison and when it got to the point where I realized he was too stupid to break down the door or at least slam on it to get Harris to stop I gave him the key. Plus would you have believed your own eyes if I had charged in or suddenly appeared, ripped Calvin away from the social worker and said he belonged to ya? And… I'm sorry about Calvin, but everything, bad or good, happens for a reason. You may see why in a few days, or on your death bed, but everything has to happen for a reason. I just protect you from anything that'll make you take a turn to the worse. Like if Harris had actually raped you in Sealview, you would have quit SVU, turned to alcohol, got pregnant from a one night stand, and treated your child the exact same way your mum treated you except you'd be on welfare so it would have been twice as bad."

Tears appeared in Olivia's eyes. "So… so you're telling me that it was fate that took my only chance at becoming a mother away from me?"

Rob nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry, love, but that's the way it goes. You losing him is for the best."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief and let out a sob. "I miss him more than I've ever missed anything in my entire life, and you're saying it's for the best?"

Once again he nodded at her words, as harsh as they were. "I'm-."

"Don't say you're sorry!" Olivia snapped bitterly as she wiped the tears away. "I wish I never would have met Calvin! Then I wouldn't know what it was like to lose him! Fate could have just never let me met him but it decides to make me feel like there's a huge gaping hole in my chest everything I even think about him! I wish I never met Calvin, I never worked at SVU, I wish my mother never had to suffer with me, I wish… Oh god, I wish I was never born!"

Rob let out a lout joyful laugh and clapped his hands together. "That's what I'm talking about, love!"

There was a tiny twinkling sound and a cold chill over took Olivia for a moment before she felt a sudden warmth spread throughout her as if the bitter wind and cold had no affect on her. "What… what just happened?" Olivia asked with a slight fear emigrated in her voice.

"I granted your wish," Rob said with a smirk. "You, Olivia Jayne Benson, was never born…"

Please Review.


	2. Chapter 2

I own no one but my own people

Olivia gasped at Rob's words as she took a step back from him, her eyes wide with disbelief. "What… what the hell do you mean I was never born?"

"Exactly that, love. You said 'I wish I was never born', I granted your wish. No one has ever heard of you, seen you, or knows you."

Olivia forced a laugh although she felt her throat tightening in absolute fear. "You're crazy. Okay, you're just some insane homeless man, or you're part of some stupid hidden camera TV show that's trying to trick me. Well I'm not signing any kind of release so you can forget airing this! I'm gonna go home now, and you leave me the hell alone!"

"You ain't got a home, love," Rob said with a hearty laugh. "You don't exist, remember? You was never born."

"Screw you!" Olivia snarled as she made her way to the roof door and slammed it open.

Rob simply chuckled at her ignorance before he looked up at the heavens. "She ain't gonna make this easy is she?"

A tiny star in the skies twinkling was his only reply but he seemed to understand its meaning because he chuckled and nodded. "Thought so…"

Olivia took the steps down to her floor and reached in her pocket for her key, groaning loudly when she realized she didn't have it.

She went to try her other pocket when she realized she didn't have her wallet either.

"Son of a bitch!" Olivia shouted loudly as she turned to go back up the steps to confront Rob who she was sure stole her key and wallet.

She took half a step when Rob suddenly appeared in front of her. "Lookin' for somethin', love?"

Olivia let out a scream and fell backwards, but Rob easily caught her before she hit the floor.

"I don't have your keys or your wallet," he answered before she had even opened her mouth. "You don't have them because you was never born. So you never got your driver's license, you never went to the police academy, you don't work at SVU, you don't gots no money."

"You're a liar!" Olivia screamed as she went to push him but he disappeared again with a tiny twinkling sound only to appear right beside her a half moment later.

"I really wish you would stop trying to 'urt me," he said with a sigh as if he was bored of her attempts. "It ain't nevva gonna work, love."

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before she stormed away from him only to have him follow her.

"Stop following me," she grumbled as she descended down the stairs to her floor once more.

"Sorry but it's in me job description," he informed her as he followed just two steps behind her, "askin' didn't work for George Bailey, and it ain't gonna work for you."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she continued to go down the steps that led to her floor, Rob being silent all the way down.

When she finally reached her door she reached into her coat pockets as well as her jeans pocket but she still couldn't find her keys.

"Oh come ON!" Olivia shouted loudly as she began to search her coat pockets again.

"Love, it ain't gonna work. You don't have a home, you were-."

"Never born, I know!" Olivia snapped angrily still looking futilely in her coat. "I'm calling a lock smith, this is ridiculous! Where the hell's my phone?"

Rob chuckled softly and shook his head. "You still ain't getting' it. You do not exist, this flat was recently vacated, you never lived here, and you don't got a mobile."

Olivia turned back towards him and glowered at the taller man. "Leave me alone or I'll arrest you!"

"With wot?" he asked with a laugh. "You're not a cop, you don't have a gun, or your badge or handcuffs, I think we both realized that kicking my arse ain't gonna work… Why not just accept the fact that you don't have a flat or a mobile?"

Olivia snarled lowly at him and turned on her heel once more before stomping away.

"Where are you goin'?" Rob asked as he followed, already knowing the answer, his tone like he was talking about the weather.

"We're gonna walk to my car… oh I'm sorry. I'll walk. You fly."

"I can't fly. I ain't got me wings."

Olivia rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Some angel," she muttered ignoring the cross look her gave her. "Well we're gonna go to my car, I'm gonna buy you a hot dinner, then take you to a shelter."

"Do you really need to tell me that you don't have your car or do you want to see yourself?"

Olivia stopped mid step for a moment before she walked much faster down the hall and stairs then before, finally reached the parking garage and let out a scream as she saw a rusted old Chevy truck in the spot where her classic convertible usually was parked.

"Someone stole my car!" she screamed as she looked around the garage, her chest heaving franticly.

"You ain't got a car, love," Rob told her once more. "You was never born so you never bought one. I honestly don't know 'ow much simpler I can speak to ya…"

Olivia let out a sob and ran a shaky hand through her hair. "This is insane," she thought franticly; Rob's words finally beginning to sink into her heart.

"Not really. You'd be surprised how often this 'appens," Rob said thoughtfully.

"Stop read-."

Rob spoke before she had even finished the thought. "No can do, love. Again; part of the job description."

Olivia simply stared at him before she began to storm out of the garage. Once again Rob followed right behind her.

"Where are you goin'?" Rob asked as she stuck her hand out to get a cab.

Olivia let out a clearly annoyed breath in hopes that he would get the hint to leave her alone. "I'm getting a cab to the precinct so I can file a report,"

Her hopes went unanswered. "You ain't got no money."

"The precinct is a half hour away driving! I'm not gonna walk for an hour and a half to my precinct!" she shouted angrily. "You're an angel! Can't you fly me there or whatever?"

"First off," he told her as he crossed his arms in front of her. "I'm not an angel. I'm a-."

"Guardian angel in training," Olivia finished with a heavy sigh.

"Yes. And until you have your epiphany, I can't get me wings."

Olivia groaned loudly and ran her hand through her hair. "This is great," she muttered as she kicked a small pile of dirty snow on the ground. "I don't even get a full fledged guardian angel. No wonder I've had so much bad shit happen in my life…"

Rob gave her a slight glower before Olivia spoke again. "Well like you said 'I'm a guardian angel in training, love'," Olivia repeated his words, mocking his accent greatly. "'I can do whatever the bleeding hell I want to'."

"Don't mock the accent, love. And are you saying you believe me now?"

Olivia threw her arms up in frustration. "If you can get me to the precinct on a... a magic carpet or on a shooting star or whatever the hell you do to move around in seconds then I'll believe you."

Rob scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Magic carpets? Shooting stars? Come on, Olivia! Surly you can't be THAT gullible."

Olivia let out a low growl before he took her arm and with a tiny twinkling sound they were gone. She saw black for less than half a second before she suddenly saw the precinct in front of her.

Her mouth fell open and she turned to Rob who smirked down at her; an amused look on his face. "Told ya, love…"

Olivia looked at him for several moments in pure and utter shock before she turned back to the building and shook her head slightly.

"I'm never drinking again…"

She cleared her throat before she made her way inside, Rob following behind as always.

Olivia made her way to the elevator, feeling a bit of fright creep into her heart when no one said a mere hello or gave her a friendly look of acknowledgment.

"They don't know you," Rob informed her yet again as they reached her units floor. "These people never met you because you don't exist."

Olivia didn't even bother with a response.

"They're just busy," she thought to herself forcing herself to believe the words, not caring if Rob could read her mind or not. "They probably got a big break in a case and can't even stop to talk…"

Even in her mind the explanation sounded desperate.

When the elevator opened with a tiny ring she saw Rob sigh heavily. "Well there ya go… Another angel just got 'is wings… the lucky git," he mumbled angrily.

Olivia turned to him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, love, do I really need to spell it out for ya? Every time a bell rings, an angel get's his wings. I thought everyone knew that."

"Forgive me for not being up to date on the latest angel promotion system," Olivia grumbled as she and Rob stepped off the elevator and made their way over to her desk.

Once they got closer however, Olivia gasped as she noticed that not a single thing on her desk was her own.

"Where the hell is all my stuff?" she asked slightly louder then she intended.

"What stuff?" Rob asked with a laugh. "I told you before, love. You don't exist. You 'ave no stuff. You never became a cop, you never made detective, and hundreds of cases that YOU broke using YOUR skills are still ice cold and a lot of perps are still out on the streets raping innocent women and children…"

Olivia shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "No…"

She went to turn around and ran smack into Munch.

"Are you alright?" Munch asked sincerely, using a tone he had never used with her before, the tone he only reserved for victims.

Olivia turned towards Rob but with wide eyes saw that he was nowhere to be found.

"Do you need help?" asked Munch.

Olivia shook her head before she turned back to Munch. "No," she answered as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Munch, who the hell took all of my stuff?" she asked as she motioned to her desk. "If this is some kind of prank, I'm REALLY not in the mood. Not after all that happened tonight…"

Munch raised a brow in confusion. "I'm… I'm real sorry but I have no clue what you're talking about, mam. Are you looking for detective Winters?"

"No, I'm looking for whatever idiot took MY tuff from MY desk! And since when do you call me 'mam'?"

Munch backed up slightly and Olivia saw him put his hand on her gun. "Look, why don't you just calm down, okay? Why don't you take a seat and-."

"Where's Elliot?" she snapped. "Did he go home or is he still here?"

"Elliot who?"

"Stabler!" Olivia shouted making most of the precinct turn to her.

Munch now looked truly confused and he cleared his throat. "Just… hang on a moment, okay?"

Olivia watched as he walked away and walked into Cragen's office, shutting the door behind her.

She ignored the strange looks from everyone around her and the soft mutterings. She took a shaky breath as she saw Cragen grab his gun from his desk drawer and tucked it safely in his coat pocket before he and Munch walked out of the tiny office and walked over to her.

"I'm Captain Don Cragen, how can I help you?" he asked as he approached her.

"I know who you are," she snapped at him. "Tell me where the hell Eliot is now!"

"You mean Elliot Stabler right?"

Olivia glowered at him. "Yes, my partner for the past twelve years, my best friend, and your best detective. _That_ Elliot Stabler."

Cragen cleared his throat before he spoke. "Elliot Stabler died almost four years ago April 4th, 2007."

Olivia felt the room spin and she clutched the desk beside her for support.

She felt her chest constricting and she forced the breaths to go in and out. "Are you okay?" Cragen asked as he walked over to her.

"What… what do you mean… what do you mean he's dead?" Olivia asked ignoring the question. "I… I just talked to him a few hours ago!"

Cragen and Munch looked at one another for a moment before they turned back to Olivia. "Mam, he's been dead since 2007… A rapist named Victor Gitano shot him."

"No! The snipers shot Gitano down! I was there!" she cried desperately.

"Detective Stabler was dead before the snipers got there…"

"No! I saved him! I kept Gitano talking! I… I trained my gun on him and it turned into a hostage situation! Elliot can't be dead!"

Cragen and Munch looked at one another before turning back to Olivia. "Look, mam," Munch said before he slowly walked up to her. "Why don't you just sit down here and I'm gonna get a patrol car to take you home okay?"

"What happened to Kathy? The kids?" she asked, ignoring Munch's look that spoke heavy volumes that he thought she was insane.

"Mam-."

"Tell me!"

Munch sighed before turned to Cragen who gave a curt nod. "After they told her that Elliot was dead Kathy… Kathy killed herself and the kids went to a foster home."

Olivia let out a sob and shook her head. "Oh god no… no, please… they can't be… oh god this is a dream, this isn't real! This is all a dream…"

"Mam," Munch spoke kindly as he went over to her. "I'm sorry that you found out about this way. But maybe... maybe we can take you someplace safe."

Olivia glowered at him and took a step back. "You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"Not at all," Munch lied, "but-."

"I want to talk to Fin," she interrupted. "He won't think I'm crazy."

Munch sighed heavily and shook his head. "I'm sorry. Detective Tutuola has been dead since 2004. Robbery gone wrong…"

"No!" Olivia screamed. "I was there to save him! I stopped the bleeding, I called it in, I-."

"Detective Tutuola went out alone that night!" Munch yelled as he narrowed his eyes at her becoming angry at her for mentioning his dead partner.

"No he didn't!" Olivia screamed as he temper got the best of her and she pushed Munch away from her.

Munch came back and grabbed her by the arms and made a move to twist her around so he could hand cuff her but Olivia pulled out of their grasp and when he grabbed her again, she swung her fist and hit him as hard as she could sending him to the floor.

Before either Cragen or Munch could restrain her again, she ran as fast as she could away from them. She could hear Cragen and Munch yelling in the background for someone to stop her but she ran faster than before and took the two flights of steps down before she raced towards the front door and hurried out of the precinct.

She had to use the old brick wall to support herself and she let out a broken sob. "They're not dead… they can't be dead… They can't be!" she sobbed.

"Strange, innit?" Rob's voice suddenly rang in beside her. Olivia gasped and twisted around to face him as he leaned against the building with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Each woman's life touches so many other lives. When she isn't around she leaves an awful hole, don't she?"

"They can't be dead!" Olivia snarled as she ignored his words. "This is all some big... some big nightmare or some horrible drunken experience or maybe it's a dormant side effect from the mushrooms, but Elliot and Fin AREN'T dead! And neither is Kathy!"

Rob pushed off the building and chuckled as he shook his head. "You weren't there to talk Gitano down or made it so that he had something to bargain with. You weren't there to put pressure on Fin's wounds or call in that there was an officer down or that shots were fired at police. Kathy couldn't handle the stress that her soon that her husband died because you weren't there to save Elliot so she took her own life. Do I need to make it anymore clearer, love?"

"This is insane," she muttered, "I'm going insane…"

Olivia closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, none of which did any help to calm herself down. "It's just stress," she said as she looked up at Rob. "It's the stress of the job, and the stress of the whole Calvin situation, and-."

But she stopped mid sentence at the mention of his name. It felt as if a hole had been punched in her chest.

The painful silence didn't go unnoticed by Rob as he took a step towards her and remained quiet until she looked him dead in the eyes, her voice thick with tears. "I want to see Calvin… I need to be sure he's alright."

Rob sighed heavily and nodded as he grasped her arm. "You ain't gonna like this, love…" he muttered just loud enough for her to hear it.

Once again she saw black for the tiniest amount of time before she was in front of Vivian's darkened house.

Olivia didn't waste any time as she went over and knocked on the door, her heart pounding hard against her chest. A cold sweat suddenly broke out all over her as she heard the locks unlock.

When the door opened and Calvin stood there; Olivia couldn't help but let out several tears as he looked up at her.

"Can I help you?" he asked her without a hint of emotion.

Unable to control herself for a moment longer, Olivia let out a joyful sob before she kneeled down and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Oh god, Calvin, I missed you!" she cried as he let out a joyful sob stroking his soft brown hair.

"Get off me!" he yelled as he pushed out of her grasp.

Olivia watched as he looked at her with complete and utter fear.

Olivia felt tears sting her eyes once more. "Calvin, it's me… It's Olivia. You… how can you forget me?"

"Mom!" he yelled as he slowly backed away from her and into the light. Olivia gasped when she saw several hand and fist shaped bruises on his face.

"What the hell did she do to you?" Olivia asked as she got off of her knees. "Calvin, did she hit you?"

"Mom, please!" Calvin cried as he let out a frightened sob still backing away from Olivia, breaking her heart with every step.

A set of footsteps on the stairs made Olivia turn towards them and she narrowed her eyes as Vivian stormed over to them.

"What the hell are you screaming about?" Vivian snapped as she grabbed Calvin by the forearm and yanked him around to face her ignoring Olivia's presence.

Olivia pushed Vivian away from him and went to pull him into her embrace but he clung tightly to Vivian instead. "You EVER!" Olivia snarled almost shaking from rage. "Hurt him again and I swear to god I'll kill you."

Vivian finally took notice of her and glared at her. "Who the hell are you?"

"Don't give me that shit! You know EXACTLY who I am!" Olivia shouted. "You signed over your son to me and then you took him back for payback for shit I didn't even do!"

Vivian looked utterly and completely confused. "Sign my son over... what are you talking about?"

"You gave me legal guardianship over Calvin and then you stole him back from me!"

Vivian scoffed and ran a hand through her matted hair. "You are out of your fucking mind. Get the hell out of my house now!"

Olivia bit her bottom lip and turned to Calvin who clung to Vivian tighter.

"Calvin, PLEASE remember me," she pleaded with the young boy. "You made me a painting of me and y- you signed it Calvin Benson because you said I- I rescued you, I made you lunch every day, I helped you with your homework, you wanted to go to work with me, and you didn't want to go with your mother or the social worker when they came to collect you because you wanted to be my son! Calvin, please remember! I love you!"

She made a move to go towards Calvin but Vivian hit her hard in the face making her stumble back some. Calvin let out a cry of fright and hugged Vivian tightly though it wasn't to keep Vivian from attacking her. It was because he was frightened to the core of Olivia.

"Get out of my house or I'm calling the cops, you sick fuck!" Vivian shouted as she shielded Calvin from Olivia.

"Calvin, please!" Olivia shrieked as she made another move towards him only to be restrained by Vivian once again.

"Get away from me!" Calvin screamed at Olivia as Vivian grabbed her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialed 911 and put the phone to her ear.

Taking one last fleeting look at the boy she loved more than anything Olivia ran out of the house, hearing Vivian's voice ring out. "There was some insane woman at my house telling me that she's my son's mother…"

Blinded by her tears and emotions she ran head first into Rob when she left the steps.

"He doesn't know me!" Olivia sobbed as she clung to his over coat, a desperate attempt to hold herself up from collapsing in the street. "Calvin doesn't know me or love me at all!"

"It's because he never met you before," Rob told her softly. "Vivian never left him in your care and just hit the bottle, pills, and Calvin hard when her mum died. Eventually she's going to beat him so bad that she ends up killing him and he'll still have no idea who you are because you were never born."

Olivia let out a frantic sob at his words. "Take me home," she sobbed. "Rob, please take me home!"

"You don't 'ave a home to go to."

"TAKE ME FUCKING HOME!" she screamed as loud as she possibly could.

Without another word or second he took her back in front of her door.

Olivia grabbed the door handle and turned it several times but found out it was locked.

Putting all of her weight into it, she kicked the door down and looked around the deserted apartment.

"Where's my stuff?" she asked aloud.

"This flat's been vacant for five years," Rob explained. "Only the stuff that came with the flat is 'ere."

Olivia turned her attention to the fridge and gasped softly as she ran up to it.

"No," she breathed when she touched the fridge which had held the painting Calvin had done for her. "Where's Calvin's painting? Where is it?" she asked frantically looking around the tiny kitchen.

"I told ya, love: you never met Calvin, and he never drew that paintin' for ya."

Olivia let out a sob mixed with a scream as she collapsed to the floor. "I can't-, I can't deal with this!"

"You've been given a great gift, Olivia: A chance to see what the world would be like without you," Rob told her before they heard footsteps running into the room followed by a tiny twinkling sound that signified that Rob had left once more.

"Who the hell are you?" the voice snapped angrily.

Olivia looked up and saw the building manager, an older man in his fifties that she had known well for the past twelve years looking at her in both fury and fear.

"Please!" Olivia cried. "Bert, this is my apartment! I've rented the same apartment for the past twelve years! I lost my key!"

"Lady, I ain't seen you in my entire life!" he shouted. "And you broke the door down AND you're trespassing!"

"This is my apartment!" she screamed louder than before; letting out a more desperate sob.

"I'm calling the cops!" he yelled before he stormed off.

"Wait!" Olivia cried as she made a move to follow him but he pulled the door shut.

Olivia tried to wrench it back open but she heard Bert lock it from the outside.

"Let me out!" Olivia screamed as she tugged on the door handle. "Let me out!"

She released her grasp on the door and backed up a step before she kicked it open again.

"Hey!" Bert shouted but Olivia paid no attention to him as she ran away from him down the hall, through the door and up the flights of steps until she reached the roof.

She could hear Bert's footsteps rushing up after her and knowing that locking it would do no good; she fell to her knees and looked up at the heavens as she clasped her hands together

"Rob!" she cried through her desperate sobs as the booming sounds of Bert's footsteps seemed to echo all around her. "Rob! Rob! Help me, Rob! Get me back! Get me back; I don't care what happens to me! Get me back to my partner, and Fin, and Kathy, and my job! Let Calvin live with his grandparents if it means getting him away from Vivian! Help me Rob, please! Please! I wanna live again! I wanna live again! Please, God, let me live again!"

Please Review :)


	3. Chapter 3

I own no one but my own people

A/N I tried to get it done before Christmas, I really did, but Christmas eve and Christmas day was just like… beyond hectic, but I will admit this Christmas was good to me. I got a "peace and love" snuggie (the best thing ever invented in the history of man. Screw the wheel, the snuggie should have came first), season 11 of SVU, DH I for PS3, a nice snowmobile jacket, a nice set of skull candy, and a bunch of other great stuff and like over all 85 dollars in gift card money to places I actually frequently shop at. Anyway, I hope all of you had a great Christmas too :) So here is the last chapter and I hope you all enjoy it.

The snow had begun falling again and Olivia could hear Bert walk through the door and walked over to her.

"Hey, Olivia!" he called as he approached her. She turned around and began backing away from "You all right? Hey, what's the matter?"

"Get outta here, Bert!" Olivia shouted as she raised her fists. "I'm not going to jail and I swear I'll hit you! Get outta here!

Bert looked beyond confused at her words. "What the sam hill you yellin' for, Olivia?"

"You..." She suddenly became stunned at his words. "'Olivia'... Bert? Do you know me?"

"Know you? You kiddin'? I've been your building manager for 12 years since you moved into your apartment. What's going on, Liv?"

Olivia let out a joyful laugh and clapped her hands together happily. "I have my apartment back! My apartment! Oh god Calvin's painting... Calvin..."

Without anther word she ran past the man to the door where she ran as fast as she could down the steps with Bert following right behind her.

When she reached her apartment she dug her hand in her pocket and let a squeal of happiness when her hand clasped around her keys.

She pulled it out and was shaking so hard that she had a tough time getting the tiny piece of brass metal to go into the key slot.

When it did, she pushed it open and rushed into the apartment looking around at all of her own candles, furniture, pictures, dishes… it was all there and all hers.

Bert went into the apartment as well just when Olivia looked towards the fridge and let out a loud scream of pure joy as she saw the panting that Calvin had painted her, the black signature saying that he had wanted to be hers was standing out against the white of the paper.

"There it is!" Olivia cried happily as she ran her fingers over the paper just to make sure it was real once more. "What do you know about that? Merry Christmas, Bert!"

With a hug and a kiss on his wrinkled cheek Olivia ran out of her apartment, Bert looking on absolutely speechless.

Olivia rushed down the steps with the biggest grin that she had ever smiled on her face until she reached the parking garage where she jumped up and down in sheer bliss as she saw her black 65 mustang in the same spot she had parked it.

"My baby!" she cooed as she ran over to it and unlocked it before getting in it and let a tear of happiness run down her face as she looked around the slightly small car she had saved up for months to buy.

Taking out her beloved set of keys, she put it in the ignition and turned it on, her smile growing even bigger as she heard the soft purr of the engine.

Olivia put it in the correct gear before she pulled out of her parking space and out of the parking garage and headed down the chilly NY streets to the precinct.

When she got to her destination a half hour later, she parked the car out front, locked it, and walked into the precinct.

She saw several people look over at her give a brief smile or a nod of the head and returned to their business.

A feeling of love swelled inside of Olivia as she walked over to the elevator, no longer being ignored like she had been when she went with Rob.

She got into the elevator and rode the lift up to the floor where her office was and stepped out, unable to hold back her tears of joy when she saw not only her desk with all of her artifacts on it but Elliot as well as Fin working like it had been any other normal day.

"You're alive!" she cried loudly, not caring who saw her or how embarrassing this was for her.

Elliot looked up at her just in time to see her flying at him and hugged him tightly around the neck.

He had to brace himself on his desk so that he didn't fall over while Olivia cried joyfully on his shoulder.

"Liv, you okay?" he asked as he looked past her to Munch and Fin who just shrugged in confusion.

"I'm fine! I'm better then fine! I'm alive! And so are you and so is Kathy! I don't know what I would do without you, Elliot! You're my best friend."

Elliot gingerly patted her on the back, a bit puzzled at her actions. "Um… thanks?"

Olivia held onto him tightly for several more seconds before she released the hug and turned towards Fin and did the same to him.

"Liv, what's going on?" Fin asked as he hugged her back. "Are you drunk?"

"I'm just so happy you're alive," she sniffed as she hugged him tighter. "And no, I'm completely sober… I just… I just had a very awakening experience earlier and it made me realize how much you two really mean to me."

Both Fin and Elliot's face softened as Olivia released Fin and turned to Munch and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for hitting you, Munch, and for pushing you. You were just doing your job and I got angry."

"How come they got hugs and these big sad sentiments and all I get is 'I'm sorry I hit you'?"

"Because you didn't die and I hit you… isn't it obvious?"

The three men looked at one another in sheer bewilderment before they turned back to Olivia. Elliot cleared his throat and stood up. "I was just about to call you actually. Calvin's grandparents-."

"As long as he is away from Vivian I'm happy," she interrupted with a truthful smile. "I may miss him more than anything, but as long as Vivian never comes near him again and they treat him like he deserves to be treated and he never forgets me, I'll be happy for him."

Elliot opened his mouth in confusion before he shut it again. Just hours ago she was calling up every lawyer she knew trying to find some kind of loophole so that she could get him back, cursing out Vivian as well as the pair of grandparents he had never even met.

"Well… um, anyway, his grandparents called, they said that if you wouldn't mind they'd like to talk to you if you wouldn't mind. I wrote down the number if you wanted to call them," he finished as he picked up a sticky note with a cell phone on the table.

Olivia nodded and beamed at him for a moment before she hugged him tightly for a moment once more. She took the piece of paper from his hand and left the precinct, all three men staring strangely after her.

Six hours later Olivia pulled into the drive way of what she thought a home that would be featured on 'Country Living' would look like.

There were acres of land covered by a thick pile of white snow but the early morning light did little to brighten the powder on the ground. There were no other homes anywhere near them, and a large barn stood behind the house next to a field of what looked like wheat, and she could smell the hay and hear the faint calls of the various animals locked in the barn for the duration of the long winter.

Olivia took a deep breath as she walked up the long drive onto the wooden steps, her shoes crunching on the gavel and white snow.

She hadn't stopped smiling since she had gotten the call from Calvin's grandmother, Emily, asking her if she would be able to meet. Olivia agreed at once, saying she had the next day off and would drive over right then and Emily had promised Olivia that both she and she husband Henry would already be awake by the time they got there.

She knocked on the door several times and heard a small commotion come from inside before she saw an older woman in her seventies come to the window.

Her hair was a light gray and cut short and she had on a long floral night gown with a white robe over her dressing gown but even with her attire as well as the hair and the wrinkled, care worn face, she didn't look frail and hunched over. She seemed to walk with a certain swagger that someone who knew what a real hard day's work consisted of and her eyes looked sharp and alert.

She smiled at Olivia through the screen door and unlocked it and opened it for the detective.

"Are you Olivia Benson?"

Olivia had to struggle not to flinch at the harsh sharp voice this woman possessed even though she said it with a smile.

Olivia nodded. "Yes, mam."

"Call me Emily. Won't you come in?"

Olivia nodded and walked into the house and she looked around at the simple wooden house with various metal antique farming instruments on the wall. There were several black and white pictures on the wall as well along with a few colored pictures that looked like they were taken in the seventies and one recent picture of a newborn baby with familiar hazel eyes.

The scent of a home cooked breakfast still lingered and Olivia saw the clean dishes as well as two bright blue plates drying on the rack next to the sink, but another plate full of bacon, scrambled eggs, and French toast with syrup looked untouched next to the sink.

Emily led her into the dining room where a sturdy muscular man in his seventies sat in one of the clearly homemade wooden chairs, wearing brown winter boots, a bristly fur hat, an old worn car hart jacket, and a pair of dusty stained jeans with a black leather belt holding them up.

He too looked like he had never once stopped to take a break from working and he was clearly itching to tend to his farm instead of sit in here talking to this strange woman and his wife.

Olivia swallowed hard and sat down in one of the chairs and was surprised at how comfortable the plain wooden chair actually was.

"Can we hurry this up, Em?" Henry muttered as Emily sat down beside Olivia. "Clarice is due to give birth any hour now…"

Emily nodded before she turned to Olivia and took a deep breath. "Miss. Benson… we love Calvin."

Olivia nodded. "I know. And Emily, as long as you keep him away from Vivian, I'm glad you have him."

"I mean ever since David told us that Vivian was pregnant with him we were beyond ecstatic to be grandparents. Even when Vivian told David he couldn't see him or us, we still loved Calvin more than anything."

Olivia simply nodded, wondering what on earth they had to have a meeting with her to tell her this. But even that thought didn't push the growing smile away. They loved Calvin, they would treat him the way he deserved to be treated, and he wouldn't have to suffer at Vivian's hands anymore…

"That's great, Emily. I just really want a good home for him with people who love him taking care of him," Olivia told her with a kind smile.

"We do love him... more than anything. And knowing that our own son murdered that poor woman is just," tears appeared in the old woman's eyes but she hastily wiped them away. "Anyway… we wanted David to be his father and give us the experience to be his_ grandparents_, not his parents. We raised a son already and we're too old and too busy with the farm to do it again."

Olivia looked positively baffled at her words. "Are… are you saying you don't want custody of Calvin?"

Emily nodded. "We love him, but we can't do this again. We want to be his grandparents, not raise him. But we know that Vivian would destroy his life if we didn't say we'd take him and give us custody of him and would send him to one of horrid orphanages or foster family and we'd never get to see him at all."

"So what do you want me to do?" Olivia asked as she looked between Emily and the so far silent Henry.

Emily began ringing her hands together nervously. "We were wondering if you could… well… please don't think less of us."

"We were wondering if you could take him back," Henry told her with an air of annoyance and impatience.

"But… but we still want to be a part of his life," Emily told her swiftly, "we want to see him during vacations and holidays and we just want to be a part of our grandson's life as grandparents."

Olivia could hardly believe her ears. They were giving Calvin back to her…

"You're… you're giving him back to me?" she whispered softly, making sure that was the true intentions of the elderly couple.

"If you want him that is," said Emily hastily. "If not, I'm sure we could make-."

But Olivia didn't let her finish her words. She let out a joyful cry and nodded, not even trying to hide the joyful tears that fell down her face. "Yes! Yes, I'd love to take him back!"

"Good," Henry muttered. "Now if you excuse me I got a cow about to give birth."

"You ain't gonna say good bye to him?" Emily asked as Henry stood up from the table.

"I was asleep with he got here and he didn't come out of his room to eat. I didn't even meet him yet. Plus we're gonna see him in three weeks for Christmas anyway… you do celebrate Christmas right?"

Olivia nodded enthusiastically. Henry gave her am encouraging curt nod. "Well it was nice meeting you, Miss. Benson. I'm not all that keen about Calvin growing up in New York City seeing how well it turned out for my son but the way he was acting when he got here makes it seem he really missed you so good luck with him, Miss. Benson."

"Thank you," Olivia said with a kind smile.

He didn't return it and instead left the room and Olivia heard the screen door open and shut with a loud squeak.

"Well I'm not sure if he's awake or not anymore but we woke him up about two hours ago for breakfast."

Olivia stood up along with Emily and followed her out of the dining room and into the living room before they descended up a flight of wooden steps that creaked with every step.

They got to the top where they walked down the hall way until they reached the second door on the right that was firmly shut.

Emily tapped gently on the door and leaned near it. "Calvin, could you come out here please?"

"Leave me alone," they heard Calvin mutter. "I said I wasn't hungry."

"There's someone here who really wants to see you. Please come on out, Calvin."

Olivia heard a squeak of bed springs and a shuffling of feet across wooden floorboards before the door opened.

The moment he saw Olivia his face broke out into a large beam of a smile.

"Olivia!" he cried loudly as he hugged her tightly around the waist.

Olivia let out a cheerful sob as she hugged him back, resting her head on his. "I missed you so much," she whispered softly, the pain that came from his earlier words and actions completely gone as if Rob had never showed him to her.

They held onto one another for several more moments before Calvin pulled away from her. "Are you taking me home?"

"Yes she is," Emily told him before Olivia could open her mouth. "But, Calvin, please don't think we wanted to take you away from her. We just got a call from a social worker telling us about the situation. We know you didn't want to leave her but we'd still like to be a part of your life as your grandparents… if you'd let us."

Calvin smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Just… I just want to live with Olivia."

"You will, honey," Olivia promised. "Everything is gonna be okay."

Emily smiled at the sight in front of the. "So you two maybe want some breakfast before you head on back to New York?

"Yes, please," said Olivia with a nod.

"Calvin, do you want some breakfast or are you still not hungry?"

Calvin looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke. "I'm kind of hungry, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Emily said with a chuckle. "Just let me get the burners going again…"

With a smile towards the two of them Emily left them and descended back down the stairs leaving the two alone.

Olivia looked down at Calvin and stroked his soft brown hair as he looked up at her. "I love you, Calvin," she told him softly.

He smiled up at her. "I love you too, Olivia."

Olivia beamed as she hugged him tightly and he did the same to her.

After they released the embrace and Olivia wrapped her arm around his shoulders and turned towards him. "What do you say we go get some breakfast?"

Calvin nodded and the two walked away from the bedroom down the steps and back into the living room where they saw Emily bending down under a medium sized Christmas tree with a watering can.

"Emily, let me do that for you," Olivia offered but by the time the younger detective got over to the tree Emily had put the can down and stood up, gently jostling the tree making several of the bells on it ring.

Calvin chuckled and Olivia turned towards him with her brow raised in confusion. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just something stupid my teacher said when I was younger."

"What was it?"

"She said, and you can't laugh, she said that every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings."

Olivia couldn't help but grin at his words and nodded. "That's right, Calvin. That's right."

She turned back to the tree and smiled as the tiny silver bells continued to ring from the simple motion. "Atta boy, Rob."

The End

A/N Well there you have it. A little past due but hopefully you liked it anyway. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and I hope you have a very happy New Years.


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